Although I had skimped on investing for paid website hosting as a “good steward,” I still desired things to look polished, done in a spirit of excellence. That meant having great photos and content. Yet I had no budget for photographers, models, fashion designers, location scouts, set designers and other gifted individuals that I sensed that I would need to be a part of the blog. Because I am a professional make-up artist, the knowledge of bringing talented people together is like second nature. I had no large following, no credits that they could claim that they were “officially published” by a respected print or online media presence to offset their uncompensated efforts. Soon, I had migrated to writing articles and content for efforts and initiatives with a heightened following & media presence that they could claim.
Soon I found myself being asked to be a part of the contributing writing or content network sharing community. I thought this was a sure sign that God was blessing our team’s efforts and hard work – his faithful skilled laborers. This had to be God who had expanded our territory – Right? I was asked by two magazines to become their spotlight Beauty Contributor. The news was exciting and my team couldn’t be more thrilled. We were glorifying God with our gifts, we reaching and touching lives, and reports of his awesome hand being upon our work seemed to blind me to my own undoing.
Fast-forward. As the opportunities grew, the requests to be a part of meetings, print, online, and television appearances became part of the expansion. These new roles placed a demand on me to be a part of virtual calls, attend videoconferencing, and varied virtual team & business meetings. The weirdest things would happen. I could not connect to them. Everyone else could easily gain access to the meetings yet I was the sole person that could not. I have conducted all types of meetings using several of the identical technology they were using and some even more complex. Surely, as an Instructional Designer, I could not gain access to the meetings. Really??? I have conducted such meetings yet there seemed to be this wall that would block each opportunity.
What no one knew, I was going the opposite direction of the platform God had given me. I had created all the right reasons as to why I went another direction with good intentions. I was the one causing the waves and unpredictability. While some were scrambling to find out if they had the proper technological tools in place, this inescapable impression and heart check brought key elements of the story of Jonah before me that ultimately checked my motives, lack of faith, disobedience, and pride.
It was nothing wrong with the visionaries and their ships I had been welcomed aboard on. Although some of my intentions were good and I have always had a heart for ministry, I decided to abandon the platform that God wanted me to use. Meanwhile, I took what he had given me out of his hands and did not trust his lordship, that he could do what needed to be accomplished, that he could bring skilled workers without promise of anything except to lift him up and glorify him. I placed undue pressure on myself to offset uncompensated work for those who contributed their talents for “opportunities” to further their/our exposure to a broader audience. Who was I to do so such a thing? Who was I to not only to distrust God that I would reach who he had purpose me to reach yet to further distrust his ability to grow the platform which he had entrusted me with? Who was I to be unfaithful in the small things? Who was I to trust in a vision and mission – the same God that gave those who embraced me to be part of their vision is the same God who gave me the vision and mission He wanted me to walk in faith to simply obey his voice and carry out.
God began to tell me that he would did not deny me to be a part of those visions and missions I was embraced and celebrated yet I had abandoned the blog he placed on my heart. I had made no previous efforts to trust that he could bring those talented individuals to the table. In fact, I had never asked either of them would they join this vision and mission without something to offer.
April 29, 2017, I sent out a text to those who have been a part of my team as I have been a published contributor. I asked would each of them be a part of this blog, without promise of anything. I cannot give stats analytics of a sizeable audience. I can only say we will pray and glorify God. The answers came packaged as an overwhelming YES!
I found myself shipwrecked, thrown overboard ending chaos, and in the belly of pride, wrong motives, bad choices, lack of faith, disobedience, and other ills. Yet in God’s compassion, he renewed my heart and mind and has provided me the grace to move forward. Check out my blog at: www.katrinacurrie.com